CAN I BE TRUSTED?
Since the birth of my 2 boys, most areas of my life have changed drastically or at least adjusted minimally. One part of my life that I had dedicated large chunks of time to in the past has all but disappeared (though I hope to eventually pick up the old habit again). That area? Introspection. Here is what I mean…
Listening to a Bruce Springsteen song and enjoying the time it takes to reflect on the lyrics. Spending a half-hour writing fun nonsense in my journal at the end of a lazy day. Reading every article and caption in an entire edition of USA Today. I once enjoyed such delights regularly. Now I savor them even more because they happen so infrequently. Suffice it to say, I am not afforded the luxury now of asking myself deep, probing questions like I once did. But there are moments when the planets align and I find myself alone with no other possibility but to ask myself the kinds of hard questions that college freshmen ask themselves after a visit home during a holiday. (Subsequent to the barrage of questions from well-meaning family members who all insist on knowing your chosen major, career choice, and if possible, lifelong mate).
I had one of those moments tonight. It was a perfect storm of quiet serenity, and I was stuck in the confines of a mini-van, behind the wheel, while my wife and children snored away within earshot. As my entire family regained lost sleep from the previous night in an Atlanta hotel (my 2 year old JoJo fell out of the bed onto the floor 3 times during the night), I couldn’t go anywhere or even call anyone on the cell because I had to drive (nobody else was volunteering) and a phone call would wake them from their slumber.
Seemingly out of nowhere, this thought, or question, as it were, popped into my mind. “CAN YOU BE TRUSTED?” Immediately my mind engaged this question, though I wasn’t really sure where, or Who it came from. The next hour was a wrestling match held in my head. I must have asked myself a dozen variations of this interrogative. What kind of man am I? Would I buckle under sexual temptation? Would I secretly steal $10,000 if I knew I would never be caught? Of course not! But what if it was $10 million? Will my boys respect me when they have children of their own? Am I really loving Charie like she needs to be loved? Is God pleased with my life? Trust me, there were many more I asked myself.
But that 60 minutes of personal reflection took me off-guard, not so much because of the timing, but because of how surprised I seemed to be by such an all-important question. This may be one of, if not the most important question that you and I will ever ask ourselves. Are you, am I, the kind of woman or man that a friend could tell a secret and know it would die with us? Will I be able to look my wife in the eye on our 50th wedding anniversary and tell her, honestly, that I have been faithful to her every single moment of every single day for 50 years? Will I be able to tell my two sons, when they are grown men, that their daddy has never looked at pornography on the internet?
My wife and my boys fell asleep in the car today not only because they were tired, but because subconsciously they trust daddy to get them home safely. And I better live up to that trust, because if I don’t, the consequences are severe. God has given me the most precious gift of His gospel, not only to preach and proclaim, but also to live out and exemplify to those who see my life. Can I be trusted to do right by Him? Can I be trusted to be the same man off the stage as I am behind a pulpit?
There are 2 people in this world who can answer that question. One of them happens to be typing these words right now, and to be honest, some days I just don’t know. The other one is the Lord Jesus Christ Himself Who is slow to anger and abounding in love, and even when I prove that I am unworthy of the trust He has placed in me, He continues to extend His hand of grace and forgiveness.
So maybe the real question is not “Can I be trusted.” Maybe the real question for me, and for you, is…”Do I really trust the ONE who can be trusted?”